Friday, July 25, 2008

We ain't feedin' her nuthin' and we STILL can't ride 'er!

"Shamrock is a great horse for an intermediate to advanced rider. She wants to run and needs an experienced rider that can "show her who the boss is." She is slightly underweight but with the proper diet can stay at her expected size. She has no health issues and has undergone 10+ hours of training. A great horse for a child learning to ride or a smaller adult looking for a pleasure riding horse."

Shamrock doesn't need to be shown who's boss. Shamrock needs to be shown some damn hay! WTF, Mr. Jeff Seale who has this horse for sale, if you think this is slightly underweight then I'm willing to consider you might be only slightly an asshat. The horse looks like shit. And I don't think she's an Arabian, or at least not a purebred. And from the looks of that swayback, I'll be very surprised if she's not old enough to vote and then some. And if you think she can stay at her "expected" size, why isn't she there now? And while we're at it, how can you say she needs an intermediate to experienced rider who can "show her who the boss is" in one line and only three sentences later claim she'd be a great horse for a child learning to ride? Contradict yourself much, Jeff? AND on top of ALL of this, you want $1500 for your skinny grade hard-to-ride horse who is approximately 17 years old. Hey, I want to have an affair with Chris Noth but at least I know I'm not gonna get that!

OOOOH it gets better. I googled Mr. Seale's phone number and guess what? He is the barn manager at this lovely facility. Damn, you'd think they could afford feed, wouldn't you? And if she'd be a great horse for a child learning to ride, YOU'D BE KEEPING HER because that's what your barn DOES!

From their site:

"Our facilities and personnel are “top notch.” At Academy Stables, our singular goal is to present the professionalism, knowledge and safety to thus create an environment in which the horse and rider can maximize the benefits of the collective experience. "

What, exactly, about the ad above, would make you think your barn manager is "top notch" or has any clue what professionalism, knowledge or safety are? Hell, the contradiction between the description of what the mare is like to ride pretty much knocks out all three of those.

Here's Jeffy boy, by the way. He's the trainer! Of course, he's another Natural Horsemanship Wacko who brags about taking his techniques from Pat Parelli. (Maybe we'll just call them NHW's from now on) You can read all about his training techniques (if you actually care). Too bad they failed miserably on the 17 year old skinny grade horse above and she still needs someone to "show her who's boss."

'Course here's their hunter/jumper trainer. Uh-huh. George Morris would have a field day.

And don't miss their sale horses. For only $3000 you can have a QH gelding (not sure if it even has papers, as it is referred to only by a barn name) that "follows both direct and indirect reigning" One wonders which nation he is reigning over! I guess that is kind of a good price for a horse with that kind of political savvy.

OK, you MUST follow the sale horses link. For only $8000 you can have, BAR NONE, the MOST hideously fugly Appendix QH gelding I have EVER seen. And what is it this week with scary jumping on very tolerant palomino horses? That's like our theme for the week on FHOTD!

For future reference: The horse will not jump better if you jump higher than it does. Really. That doesn't help.

(I truly don't understand. Why, in these days of digital cameras, don't you just take 50 or 100 pictures til you get one that looks good and use that on your web site? The only possible explanation is you don't know what good is. And that frightens me.)

Hey, if you're sick of your kid, you can send them to a 5 day horse camp here where on the last day, they show off their skills doing barrels and poles. 'Cause THAT'S what you should be doing 5 days into your riding career! Gooooood idea.

It really is a lovely facility. They just need to upgrade their hiring standards, and not try to dump inexplicably scrawny horses on DreamHorse for all to see.

(Cue legal threats from Jeffy boy. I just have a feeling about this one...)