Friday, November 2, 2007

But if you are going to feed your young horses...

Then make sure you work them into full sweat with nostrils flaring first before you climb all over them to show off for your dumb shit training customer who actually thinks any of this is proof of "amazing progress" with their 3 year old, who prior to this was resistant to the idea of working more than 20 minutes (clearly showing more judgment about the amount of work a young horse can tolerate than his owner possessed). Let's take a look at some principles of the Redneck Training Program.

1. Allus leave yore lead rope trailing through the dirt so that if they make any sudden move, they will step through the loop, get hung up and fall on the ground. That'll larn 'em not to pull that shit!

2. Once you got 'em so tired that they are swaying and have their feet splayed out for support, that's the time to get on 'em with no halter. There ain't nothin' that impresses those ole scaredy cat lady customers like ridin' 'em with nothin' on!
Lookit me! I'm a cowboy! Just like mah idol, Clinton Anderson.

3. Look, he's a couch! See all them coils of rope left underneath his feet? This is what we call larning to ground tie! Either he'll stand still or he'll get wound up and fall on the ground and larn him a real good lesson.

I shore hope I don't break my sunglasses if he does that. The were ten dollars at the souvenir store in Vegas and I ain't sure when I'm gonna get back there agin.

4. Hey everybody, watch this! I'm King of the Hill!

Damn this is thirsty work. Kin one of y'all bring me a beer? Don't give thet colt no drink yet. He's gotta larn him a lesson about how he acted afore we took the pitchers. I'm gonna leave him out here in the sun a couple more hours. By the end of the week, I bet even that ole lady who owns him kin ride him!