Saturday, April 26, 2008

Gee, maybe I just figured out who is teaching all of the asshats!

At least in Alabama!

The always entertaining Manure Pile message board tipped me off to the existence of the Mobile Riding Academy. Wow. And I thought the place I learned to ride was a shithole!

"Moulin Rouge: 4yo 15.3 h. tb g. Super Sweet horse. “Red” is like a big teddy bear, but with a lot of step, spunk, and a huge, honest heart. He is a cute mover and jumper. He is forward and fun to jump, so my intermediate students love him! $2,000 obo"

Who the hell puts up this picture for a horse for sale? Are you blind? He looks like animal control just confiscated him. What's the BCS on this one, maybe a 2.5? You can't miss the rain rot even in the picture. And you want $2000? And you're using him for lessons in this condition? Are you crazy? Get your ass down from there! The saddle is sitting RIGHT on his poor, bony withers. And you are an instructor? A "level two Parelli" instructor, as you brag. And people are paying you $65 for a lesson on Bony Pony there? I think I am going to throw up.

'Course, Asshatella is breeding horses, too. Grade ones. With blue eyes.

"Bella: 7yo 15.1h Blue eyed Registered American White Horse. She shows in mini stirrup and we use her for beginner through advanced lessons- both English and western. She gets used also for birthday parties and camps. This mare is super bombproof even with beginners on trail rides with wagons! She is a great trail horse, and is a beauty to boot. She was bred to my white stallion with blue eyes. Their baby, Skylar, was sold as a unicorn to nice people who work the renaissance festivals! He was also white with blue eyes. $3,500. obo "

The baby was sold as a unicorn. Yeah. Sounds about right. WTF is a Registered American White Horse?

Don't we all break out our Trakehner crosses at age two, in a western saddle with just one of those thin little navajo pads under it? Yep, she certainly looks well-developed and ready to ride, doesn't she? But hey, no time like the present for her to learn to go "properly" under saddle.

*drips sarcasm*

"Lilly: Sweet 2 yo 15.1 Trakhener cross filly. 2 white sox. Beautiful, floaty movement. Built very athletically for either dressage or jumping. Very talented youngster. Currently learning how to go properly under saddle. $2,500 obo."

Here's my favorite pic of Miss Expert Instructor. 'Cause we all know over a fence you should throw your ass as far skyward as possible! That looks goooooood.

But hey, she got a degree in Equine Studies from Findlay! I know, I know, I'm sorry to the three of you who went there who are actually competent, but I've seen so many asshats come out of that program that, really, if I were you, I'd just leave it off your resume.

And of course - no trip to the land of NH idiocy is complete without at least one asshat who looks like he barely got a GED standing on a horse's back.

All right, I'm gonna go outside now and tell the VLC how damn lucky he is that he doesn't live at the Mobile Riding Academy, and how he'd freaking damn well better appreciate it and behave himself forever.