Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Thank you, Craig, for the endless stream of material

Today's Craigslist stallion for sale! (Actually, unfortunately, one of many) My comments in blue.

$700.00 OBO. TO GOOD HOME. (Why do people say this? Do they honestly think the bad people say "oh, okay, this one can only go to a good home" and pass it by?) HE IS GORGEOUS AND SWEET AND PASSES IT ON TO HIS BABIES. (Considering he is worth $700, I wonder what the "gorgeous and sweet" babies are worth? Maybe 2 six-packs and tickets to a ball game?) HE WILL HALTER BREED (WHEN LEAD UP), AND WILL PASTURE BREED. (So will damn near anything with balls) APHA REGISTARD (We all know the comment I want to make, and I know it's not P.C., but you all know what it is!) . ON HIS PAPERS ARE: "MISSLE STEP" (born 47 years ago, I think we can safely say this is not the sire and I'll be surprised if it's a grandsire) SIRE OF WORLD CHAMPS.,SUPERIOR HALTER CHAMPS.,SUPERIOR PERFORMANCE CHAMPS.,NRHA MONEY EARNERS, AND RACING MONEY EARNERS.- "MR. DENERO" APHA (aha, so this is a breeding stock Paint - because there is such a demand to breed to solid colored Paints!) 12 TIME GRAND CHAMPION, 8 TIME RESERVE CHAMP., AND SUPERIOR CHAMP HALTER HORSE.- "LITTLE JOE BAILEY" (foaled 41 years ago, again, not likely to be close up) GRAND HALTER CHAMP. AND RESERVE CHAMPION. HIS BLOODLINES ALSO INCLUDE HALL OF FAME HORSES "THREE BARS", "JOE REED", "JOE REED II" , "COMMANDO", "MAN-O-WAR", AND "PETER PAN" (Won the 1907 Belmont Stakes, in case you were wondering. Hey, in my next ad can I brag that my horse goes back to the Godolphin Arabian?) HE WAS BRED TO A PALAMINO PAINT, BAY PAINT, AND A CHESTNUT PAINT AND HE HAS ALWAYS PRODUCED BLACK AND WHITE OVEROS. ALTHOUGH I DO NOT GARENTEED (No one can spell this word, can they?). HE IS FOR A BREEDING HOME ONLY, HE CANNOT BE RIDDEN (how did I know that was coming?) BECAUSE OF A OLD CORNETT INJURY THAT HAPPENED BEFORE I BOUGHT HIM (He was at this Renaissance Faire and he tripped and fell over a cornett that someone had dropped, you see) WHEN HE WAS 2 YRS OLD- THE INJURY DOES NOT EFFECT (AFFECT, damn it) HIS BREEDING OR HIS HAPPY LIFE. i AM ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIME FOR HIM AND HE HAS BECOME JUST A YARD ORNAMENT (which is exactly what he should be!), AND ALTHOUGH HE IS PRETTY TO LOOK AT, HE NEEDS TO BREED! (He "NEEDS" to get gelded! "Yard Ornament" is the only thing he is qualified to do! You don't NEED a lot of time for a yard ornament, but let's face it, YOU don't want to feed him all winter with the price of hay.) HE WILL COME WITH ALL INFORMATION AND FORMS NEEDED TO START YOUR BREEDING BUSSINES. (Oh yeah, Ms. Hooked on Phonics, 'cause I'd trust contracts coming from you, for sure!) CALL ME TO COME SEE HIM OR IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS. [name and number redacted] PLEASE CALL FOR INFORMATION. I WILL CONSIDER A TRADE AS WELL. FOR TRACKTER (ROTFL!), OLDER BROKE HORSE, SADDLES, CORRAL PANNELS. PLEASE CALL ME [number repeated in case you forgot - we need to make sure you jump on this killer deal!]

The pictures are all bad - I can't really judge the animal, except that he's obviously got some cow hocks, but I don't need to. He's:

1) unrideable
2) unshown
3) solid color in a breed where color is what is desired
4) worth $700 to buy - right there I think that is ALWAYS enough reason to nix it for breeding. If it's for sale for less than $5000, IT ISN'T STALLION QUALITY. And when I say $5000, I am thinking of $5000 as a weanling, when it just looks like it could potentially be stallion quality but has not accomplished anything yet.

And do not read that and then e-mail me about the stakes winning stallion you found at auction. Yes, I know it happens. I saw a winner of about $180K with a horrible, disgustingly swollen sheath area go for $200 at a low end auction some years back and yes, he did go to a rescuer. The racing industry is a beast unlike any other and the way it is set up, amazing horses can and do take a wrong turn occasionally (although it is also likely you will discover the $400,000 stakes winner you found at auction produces crappy foals or is sterile and there was some reason he was deliberately dumped and someone meant for him to disappear from the earth until you intervened). Bottom line, low value horses produce more low value horses and that's what keeps the double-deckers filled up.