Saturday, June 21, 2008

Welcome to the FHOTD Film Festival!

A quick note: I have 1500 emails stacked up. I am not deliberately ignoring any of you - I am just out of time. I have no time to read e-mail and my company blocks Yahoo. I'm sorry but the odds of me ever reading your e-mails are getting slimmer and slimmer until one of you decides to pay me to maintain this blog and I can quit my day job :-) Please post to the comments if you think you really have a crisis.

Another thing I can't do during the week is look at Youtube I looked at them today. OMFG. Youtube, showcasing completely idiotic riding and training for all the world to see! Allow me to present the 2008 FHOTD Film Festival nominees. You guys can vote on who you think are the winners! I should send them all Breyer horses as prizes and suggest they stick to those.

Category: Bad Parent du Jour!

2 year old child brushing tail standing directly behind horse while parent films

Stupid People - Always Fertile

The only good thing about this video is that Mom needed the exercise You dumbass, what did you think was going to happen here? This is NOT CUTE.

Smart enough to disable the comments, but not to take the video down! I really don't think the pony appreciates the human bucking strap...

Even the Horses Look Worried Seriously, doesn't that horse at the beginning just look concerned, like, um, I know this is a bad idea, why don't you?

Did you really think all of the disclaimers were going to keep you off the Fugly Blog?

Category: Making Linda Parelli look like an Olympic Dressage Trainer by Comparison

I just can't watch this shit with a straight face. She looks like she is doing the hokey-pokey! And why exactly do we want the horse in a two-horse straight load backwards???

Why not jump our TWO YEAR OLD pony over 2'6 with a kid who can't ride her way out of a paper bag? You mean that is a bad idea? (FYI we know the pony is 2 because this was linked to a CL ad selling her)

Hector, You're an Asshat!

I would laugh so hard if this dude gelded himself on the saddle horn

You don't suppose the anklebiter dogs running under the horses had anything to do with the bucking, do you?

Category: Riding Lessons? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Riding Lessons!

The Spurs on the Tennis Shoes are a Nice Touch

I Think The Horse Was Trying to Commit Suicide OK, the exciting part is over, don't you think someone should stop filming and call an ambulance now?

Category: Darwin Aspirations

OK, so it's not a horse...

Chris, you an asshat too!

OMG! You mean, it's alive and it can kick you? I thought it was a prop for this shoot!

How you have made it to the age you are at astounds me

Category: Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi - Equine Edition!

Loose wire, hot tape, uncapped t-posts and a stallion!

Deworm your damn horse and replace your damn fence, you asshat!

Category: Breeding Ignorance

Proud of our Speshul Kolored Weaving Horses!

It's Really Big! It's Really Hairy! It's Really Disunited!

Category: Your Culture Sucks, Dude

Horse Fighting in South Korea ... is it bad that I want to put this man into a round pen with a couple of angry pit bulls and film that? Preferably naked with his dick wrapped in bacon.

The User Name That Posted This Just Says It All ... it is good to know you have a skill, honey. That will get you far in life. Did you pick up these two asshats with it?

This was filmed when she hurt her back leg, so I only asked her to dance with the front half Yet another feature from everybody's least favorite poster on the FHOTD board.

Category: Just, WTF?

Human Arena Footing

RFD-TV Trainer's Starved Horses - Yeah, another score for the Really Fucking Dumb horse channel. Inside Reining? Looks like he should have been OUTSIDE FEEDING!

I have to post one that I actually liked... this is a cute little pair and they look like they are having a blast together. Yeah, you could hyper-critique it all you want but I wanted to give it a thumbs up because the kid is happy and the pony is happy and that's nice to see in the sea of pissed off horses and ignorant idiots that is Youtube.

And this is just adorable. What a nice horse.

On another note, I have a great short-term project for one of you folks who is in my area (Seattle to Portland) and loves to do ground work. In case you missed this report on the VLC blog, I worked with Lucy, the mare from the Enumclaw Auction, a few days ago. While she's clearly broke and had some work done past the track (longes both directions), she has fairly serious fear issues. She looks at you like you are going to eat her sometimes. She tacks up fine, but when I patted her butt, she took off crowhopping (hence my decision not to get on that first night). She has good manners, she ties, she loads and hauls fine, she's not rank or stupid, she's never shown any aggression, she's just got quite a bit of trepidation about human beings. Clearly someone was not so nice to her, and I also think she's got a bad case of broodmareitis - where they only get caught for breeding or the vet and otherwise run wild like mustangs. I would very much like to find someone who has more time than I do to take her for a month or six weeks and just love on her. Petting, grooming, ground work, teaching her to eat treats. Just lots of handling. Ground driving would be a huge plus if you are experienced with it. If you want to help a rescue horse but don't want a long-term commitment, this could be a perfect summer project for you, and it would really help me. I am too overscheduled to spend serious time with any one horse, and that is what this mare needs - an hour or two of your time on a regular basis. She has no special needs - is living well on pasture and a scoop of grain with supplements once a day. Contact me if you think you might be interested.

All right, hope everybody is having a great weekend! Good luck to those of you competing. Three more hours and I can leave work and go ride my wonderful, wonderful Very Large Colt :-)