Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Perhaps a camel saddle should come with her?

First, one quick note: Please do not e-mail me until further notice. I have 528 unread e-mails. I still do not have Internet and am using a friend's computer for limited amounts of time. I am never going to get through all of these e-mails. Commenting on the blog is far more likely to get my attention at this point. Thanks for understanding!

I'm so overtired/brain dead at this point that I cannot remember if I've posted this ad before (I know I've seen it before) but I KNOW I have not posted this picture. Holy moly. OK we've found the official WORST roach back on the planet...and of course, she is in foal!

"Grade Friesian Mare/Wonderful Family Horse, $5,500, Mare, Black, Age: 6, 17.2H, Miss Camel is a wonderful grade Friesian mare. She has a great temperament and loves attention. She is calm and easy to handle. Her only fault is she has a "Roach back". Vet has cleared her for riding bareback or with saddle. She is bred to Registered Friesian for '08 foal. Miss Camel is all black. We have many horses available at all levels of training and a wide variety of types/breeds. We offer training packages and payment plans to meet every budget. We accept Credit Cards/Paypal Payments." FHOTD in: Of course you do. Hell, you'd probably swap her for two six packs, a side of beef and a wall hanging of pit bulls playing poker! P.S. The roach back is NOT her only fault. As a matter of fact, I am hard pressed to find something I like about this mare. Cover the part of the screen that has her back half on it with your hand. You still don't like her, do you? Neither do I. She looks to be back at the knee, her neck is set on high and there's no smoothness to it and that is one big honking head in comparison to the rest of her. But hey! She is only $5500. (If anybody out there would seriously consider paying that for this horse, can you just send it to me instead? I saw a whole lot of nice TB mares go to kill the other day for $200 a pop and any of them would have been a better investment that this critter.)

Folks, the reason breeds like the Friesian developed the idea of APPROVALS was to keep culls from breeding on. This mare has CULL written all over her. She may be a kind sweet horse who can hold up to light riding (beats me what you'd saddle her with, I am thinking a bareback pad is as structured as you could get) but she has absolutely no business being pregnant and you folks who orchestrated that are doing the Friesian breed NO favors.

Here's another brain donor.

"Needs New Home NOW!, $800, Mare, Chestnut, Age: 16, 15H, ASHA #121277, Foaled: 1991, **PRICE REDUCED TO $600 UNTIL 9-19-07** Mare is out in pasture, no feed!! She is losing weight, but will put it right back on. I am moving, and taking the horses with me (all the horses where I board are losing weight). Callie MUST GO NOW. Easy to handle on the ground, needs confident intermediate or better rider. She is blind in one eye, but she doesn't act like it. Price is negotiable to good home. MUST GO!"

Must sell because I am too dumb to go to the feed store! Well, I guess that is a new one.

The next one came with such a GREAT comment by the person who submitted it that I am including it (the person's comment is in blue)

Penny is a 7 year old mare who is reaady to drop a cult any day. She was breed to blizzard early may of last year, she is broke for any one to ride and guarantee a palamino colt. She has also been on many trail rides. She is 59 inches tall. Our price: $2,500.00

WHAT she's dropping a CULT! now that is a trick! Maybe next year we can breed her back for a full blown religion!

FHOTD in: Classic.

Of course, this just led me to their web site where I observed that they also have a "philly" for sale. Then I saw the picture including the flabby fishbelly white shirtless guy, and went blind.

"Tennessee philly coming a 2 year old, broke to ride and has been trail ridden many times, she is 61 inches tall. easy to get on and off of.
Our price: $1,500.00"

One wonders if she comes complete with cheese and a bun? But don't worry, if you aren't looking for a philly or a tabiano, they also have a pacafino for sale!

One thing about a skinny horse, you can see their bone structure clearly. This mare is proudly advertised as a branded Oldenburg. I'm the first to admit I don't know a lot about warmbloods and am not sure if branding has any relationship to being approved, but I know what I like and this mare isn't it. She's got bad, bad post legs, an upright shoulder, a short neck, crooked forelegs, very short croup, tail set on as high as an Arab's, she's long, weak hip, and long, weak pasterns. Yes, she also needs 200 lbs. desperately. They blame her condition on a bad lease and that may be true, but #1 why photograph her for sale before you've returned her to health and #2 this is NOT a breeding quality mare in my book. But hey, she's 5 years old and lame, so what else are they going to do with her? *headdesk*

In case there wasn't enough impulsive breeding going on, now they are selling stallion breedings on ebay.

I love this picture as it shows both questionable parenting at work ("C'mon kids, crawl under the stallion's belly for the picture, I want to PROVE how quiet he is!") and the worst possible pose for this stallion.

Um, honey, your stallion has a shitty front end. He looks like Donald Duck. He is a cute little squirt otherwise and I have no doubt he is a nice, good tempered boy - he has that tolerant look on his face (much like an old school horse) - but if you insist upon breeding your mediocre horse, which I am sure you do, try photographing him from the side next time.

It might also be good to use his registered name when advertising him and not his barn name, which is apparently the name of a greek deity that you cannot spell.

Final note: I am playing e-mail tag with the person who knows the former owner of the mare from the sale and I do not know if she got in touch with the dealer or not. You will know something when I do.