Monday, June 25, 2007

We interrupt this blog for a detour into the land of bad parenting

Looking at horse ads gives you a glimpse into another world...the world of backyard horsepeople with absolutely no f'ing common sense. Inevitably, they have reproduced and are now passing along their deep desire to win a Darwin Award to their offspring. (It is a real design flaw with human beings that people too stupid to have kids are also too stupid to master birth control.)

I have a gentle weanling too. I am proud of how quiet he is. But I'll be damned if I'm going to sit on the ground and snuggle with him like a kitten. Much less barefoot. He's still a horse. If he sees a horse-eating groundhog or someone drives by with a trailer with flapping plastic, those two morons are going to have baby-sized hoofprints on their unprotected heads. And she's got him turned out in an all-nylon halter. Man, she's like the poster child for Gypsy Vanner Breeders, and that's not a compliment.

Oh for fuck's sake. I'm not a parent and I know this is negligent. What is that, a two year old? Maybe? Standing on a pony with no helmet. Look, Ma, no hands! Hope y'all have got a cell phone handy for that inevitable 911 call when Buster the farm dog blasts forth from behind the shed chasing a chicken and Pony goes batshit.

You know, when I do stupid things, and someone takes a picture, I endeavor to keep those pictures in my private collection (like the time we were all doing jello shots at a political convention in D.C...ok enough about that). But no, Mother of the Year here has no shame. This picture is up there on DreamHorse for all to see. *shakes head*

Cute pony. MORONS for owners.

OK, mom? I see you are right there on your own horse. Do you think you might want to do something about the fact that the pony's reins are actually dragging on the ground by his feet? Maybe you'd like to do something about that before he steps on them, cranks the crap out of his mouth with that long-shank child-inappropriate bit you have on there, and flips himself over backwards with your helmetless child on him?

C'mon. You don't get to claim ignorance. You obviously ride yourself. Is lopping off the ends of the too-long reins really all that complicated a task for you? Or putting a helmet on your very small child?

And I thought the fugly horses were giving me a headache...