Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Anything can be a purebred!

Have a horse you can't sell? Backyard filled with misbegotten, mixed-breed mistakes? No problem - just make up a new breed! You can start the registry yourself. It is kind of like becoming a minister from that ad in the back of Rolling Stone. Anyone can do it!

Example #1: Have an unregistered, narrow chested filly that rotates out starting at the knees and hocks? Is she out of a grade mare that you bred for some ridiculous reason? Worried she will go at the local meat auction for $75 to the killers? Never fear - all you have to do is call her a "German Riding Pony" and now you can put her on the Internet for $3500.

This mare is advertised as a Campolina. While I have no freakin' clue what that is, it is kind of an appropriate name as she is more camped out than Paris & Nicole on this season of The Simple Life. Her underline is so long that she actually appears to be u-shaped, a look that is somewhat minimized by her mutton withers. She has a classically formed "nest" growing straight out from her front legs, thick and short. In this pose, with her front feet so far out in front, her shoulder should look awesome. It doesn't. It is as straight as that paint horse from the other day. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And someone will probably breed her because she's a "rare breed."