Sunday, July 29, 2007

Rescue me...

As I search around for snark fodder, occasionally I find pictures of horses and ponies that seem to be sending out one simple message "Please buy me and get me out of here!" Today I'm going to share some of these for your amusement.

Hi there! I am a perfectly nice Arabian. I have a lovely flat croup like I am supposed to. I have a beautiful head and neck and a terrific shoulder. I cannot, however, jump my way out of a paper bag and this lady doesn't get it. And her death grip on my face is not helping me do better.

So could you please buy me and put me to work doing something I can actually do? This is kinda scary.

Maybe if I take a big enough jump, they will fall off and hit their head on a rock and then I will be freeeeee! Freeeeee! Freeeeee! I will go live with the mustangs. At least they won't have this death grip on my mouth and be sitting on my kidneys like a sack of potatoes while I try in vain to navigate terrain that you couldn't get through with a 4wd.

Can you just buy a freakin' ATV and leave me alone?

I am a nice pony. Truly I am. I am not a freakin' couch. You, your girlfriend and the dog are all TOO old and TOO big to be sitting on me.

Aren't you supposed to be at the mall hunting for boys by this age? I'll sit here and eat grass until your kids are old enough to start riding. Capische? I didn't realize this was so difficult, but y'all are blonde so I guess I have to spell it out.

I am a Thoroughbred. I am totally humiliated by this. Look at the long-suffering look on my face. Please buy me and take me to your nice hunter/jumper or dressage barn. I am supposed to have color coded blankets based upon what temperature it is, a chiropractor and someone needs to pull my shaggy mane. I swear I can be beautiful. Please get me away from these people and their silver ferrule 1970's western show tack. Those boys are going to get older and think they can make me barrel race or goat tie or something, I just know it. I am a princess. I do not belong here.