Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Really amusing uses of photoshop!

I remember when graphic editing software was new and everybody was soooo excited at the chance to fix red-eye in the comfort of their own home. It was certainly a cheaper solution than the professional photo retouching we'd paid for prior to that to remove the nasty sweat marks and herds of flies from our win pictures. Unfortunately, what far too many people don't realize is that merely possessing Photoshop does not make you a graphic editing professional!

Witness this scary, scary "stallion prospect" ad. You can click on it to see a larger version. First of all, I love how hours were spend Photoshopping and no hours were spent grooming or clipping! I guess that's because you can Photoshop sitting on your ass eating Twinkies, huh? This toed-out, coon-footed critter is about as far from a stallion prospect as I can conceive of. I think they f'ed up following the line of his leg and cut half his hoof off in back, so he may merely be resting it but it looks like he has a club foot and a scarred up leg. He's definitely sickle hocked and short necked with a scary absence of any muscle whatsoever. Everything about him screams GELDING BUS. Then there's the silly background. You know, at least try to make it look real. He's hovering on some surface that has swallowed half of his back hoof, which is apparently on a platform a few thousand feet up in the clouds, except for the addition of the "Six Feet Under" logo tree in the distance. WTF?

They feel the need to point out that his dam is a 23 year old Sir Quincy Dan daughter who has "not done well since his delivery." Well, shit, I hope she doesn't die thanks to bringing this POS into the world. What a waste that would be!

(Yeah, I know these folks are repeat offenders. Their riding lesson program sucks, too. I had somehow missed the PS'd POS last time or maybe it's new, but it was so bad I had to put it up!)

Next we have the Floating Snow Colt from DreamHorse! Too funny. Looking at this, I assumed the the picturesque winter scene placed behind him replaced an original landscape of barbed wire fence, several broken kitchen appliances and a broken down Chevelle, but looking at her web site, the place looks I don't get the point here. Here's another good picture of that colt. Why did she choose such a bad one to sell him with? Weird. Sometimes I wonder if what I'm seeing is the result of an indulgent mom allowing their 12 year old to create the sale ads, you know?

Bottom line, if you cannot hire a true professional to touch up your photos, you are better off posting them as is. Both of these colts would look a thousand times better if someone had taken more time posing them properly and less time playing around on the computer. We've talked about this before but the basics are: Clean them up, clip them up. Stand them up properly (however your breed stands them up at halter is what's correct, or for a loose weanling, try to get a shot where they are either standing pretty much square or have one hind leg back - the one closest to you). Lower your camera so you are shooting level with their sides - shooting "down" to them makes their legs look short. Never use the head on "hey mom, whatcha doing" shot as it makes their head look ginormous and their body look underfed. If you are selling a riding horse, post both a conformation pic and a pic of the horse actually being ridden - preferably being ridden by a properly attired (not necessarily show attire but boots, no shorts, no halter tops - this is not Hooters) rider. If you are asking more than $1500, it is totally worth it to take the horse to a show that has a photographer so that you can get pro pics. Make sure your backgrounds are free from junk, scary fence, etc. Almost any property has ONE picturesque spot - find that background and pose your horse in front of it. Just follow those simple guidelines and you won't look like a Photoshoppin' fool on the Internet!

And another news story...please, please, please be careful when choosing a trainer. You can't make your horse un-dead. This kind of stuff happens more than people realize. If your horse dies suspiciously while in training, you need to have a vet examine him and determine the cause of death, and I do not mean the vet the trainer uses.

This particular waste of oxygen is Greg Collier who lives in New Mexico. Do not leave a horse with him. And for god's sake I hope that gal with the tacky highlights is his lawyer because if you are dating or married to a guy who beats a baby horse to death, what do you think he's going to do to you?

Duh. Now let's hope Greg gets out of the horse biz and into some anger management classes!

Finally, I just wanted to welcome another FHOTD sponsor - Emerald City Fence. If you are in the Seattle area and looking for a reliable fence company with excellent references, this is the one I'd recommend. They do all kinds of fencing, from small decorative jobs around your house to your whole pasture. They'll give you a break on price if you suffered flood damage to your fences, too - just call and say you saw it on FHOTD!