Monday, August 20, 2007

Yo quiero hairy hammerheaded Spanish horses, por favor!

As any girl who has ever tried to buy a purse knows, country of origin matters! You just can't get Italian leather for the same price you can get that tanned roadkill stuff they sell at Ross Dress for Less. Therefore, it's not surprising people have tried to apply the same elitism of origin to horses. What a shame the resulting product does not parallel the quality of, say, a Prada loafer. No, these "Baroque" horses simply remind me of the fake Vuitton bags you can get on Canal Street - the sales pitch sounds great, but the look just ain't the same.

This lady brags that she breeds "Family Sporthorses of Color!" She has another 31 Flavors of Horse Breeding. "My main breeds are the Spanish horses (sulphur mustangs, aztecas, andalusians, lusitanos, paso finos) with some slightly more baroque blood (friesian, shire, and gypsey) and the dash of asian blood, my first love, the Arabian horse." If those are your MAIN breeds, are there others too? Hell, why not just throw a couple of German Riding Ponies in there too and maybe a few Akhal Tekes?

She goes on to brag about her three stallions:

1. A 14 hand "Zebra dun sulphur." She argues that these mustangs are the "poor man's Andalusian" and states that his foals can be registered as Aztecas. No mention of any halter or performance record, or of being broke to ride.

2. A solid colored buckskin APHA stud with a crappy shoulder. Again, no mention of any halter or performance record, or of being broke to ride.

3. An unapproved Friesian stallion. They are going to try to get him approved, but cheerfully add "if he doesn't make it we will be offering him to the public for cross breeding." Oh yay. But hey, unlike the other two, he has mad skillz - he is a "cookie eating machine."

And, much like our last featured "warmblood breeder," you can buy foals in utero. While those foals were insanely overpriced, these are so cheap you have to wonder what would be the point in breeding them to begin with? (Spelling is, of course, hers)


I will be breeding X to Y this year for a grulla half Arab endurance prospect extrodinnaire. In utero price will be $1,000 put down your deposit of $300 to hold this foal. Price will go up when the foal hits the ground.

I will also be breeding A to B this year. This will be a fabulous kids horse and I can't even guesse at the color. In utero price will be $800 put down your deposit of $250 to hold this foal. Price will go up when the foal hits the ground.

If your foals are only worth $800 and you know that before they even hit the light of day... STOP BREEDING. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! It's one thing if your average weanling sells for $2500+ and every once in a while you get one that is just not going to be anything more than "pet quality" as the dog breeders say, and you have to sell that for $800 - that is just being realistic. But these people are DELIBERATELY breeding foals they KNOW will be this low in value. Why? $800 doesn't pay to care for the mare for a year.

<---- I am not a baby mule, I just play one on the Internet.

This lady also breeds dogs (who wasn't surprised, raise your hands!)

"The two breeds I will be breeding on rare occasion, are the American bulldog and the bandog. The American bulldog is a breed whose time I believe has come. They have the size of a mastiff and a strong fight drive, so you need to be a pretty dog savvy person to deal with one, unless you have lots of money and a really good trainer." Oh yeah, honey. Because THAT is a kind of dog the world needs MORE of. We don't kill ENOUGH of those in the shelters every day. We need MORE. Now, in case you were wondering WTF a bandog is "The bandog was originally a creation of Dr. Swinford and was pit bull and anything big, mostly Neapolitan mastiffs. Dr. Swinford wanted to produce the kind of dog that would send any would be intruder or attacker packing, and he mostly succeded. " Again, just awesome. Dogs the size of ponies that take extremely experienced handlers or they will rip your face off. Yes, the world needs more! Breed, breed, breed! Maybe you can sell some to Michael Vick, I'm pretty sure his football career is over.

Ah, but we're not done...they also have a "sister site," yet another breeder of "Baroque" horses. Look, here's their stallion! You can BUY him for $2000 or breed to him for $350. Man, look at that hammerhead! He looks like he could be a decent mover, but honestly, I just can't get past the unbelievable level of fug. I don't care if he's a "silver grulla." He looks like a mule, and not a quality mule at that.
Again, people, if it's worth $2000, that right there should tell you it is not stallion quality. And the only way you are getting $2000 for this critter is if you break it out and do a hell of a good job with that.

They are also proud of their "old baroque style welsh pony mare." Um, Welsh breeders? Do you see any Welsh here? I guess it is possible she is half Welsh but any Welsh qualities have been smothered by a huge influx of old foundation QH. This mare is as long as an east-west drive through Texas, but they claim "She is our perfect sport pony mother." Um, what sport does that back length work out for? Could you name that sport, please?

But hey, you can buy her, and I quote, "In Eutro Foal" - for $800 if it's a colt and $1000 if it's a filly.

Everybody wants to know how we make this kind of breeding stop, since we live in a country where we are all free to be irresponsible. Well, for one thing, who sold her that Friesian? It should have been gelded BEFORE it left the property. If you breed quality horses, geld your culls, and we won't have so much of this to have to look at. Gelding surgery is cheap. Do your part for the future of the breed and snip those boys before they are out of your control. Remember, your low end colt breeding everything with a uterus does NOT make your breeding program look good.