Monday, August 13, 2007

They're not fugly, they're just misunderstood!

People had mentioned the Blue Eyed Horse Association as another new Crackerjack-Box-Prize type of registry, so I finally googled it. That had to be a joke, right? Nope! It's for real!

"Congratulations, you have just found the the Association that is taking the horse world by storm! We are a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) corporation."

I believe I just made a point in the comments a few days ago about how a 501(c)(3) is no proof of anything. Can anyone explain to me how a horse registry can even be nonprofit? What is the charitable goal here that is different from the goal of AQHA or APHA? This is just crazy talk.

"Our goal is promote, provide education, show, and track the blue eyed horse. We at the Blue Eyed Horse Association decided it was time to document and study blue eyed horses and their uniqueness and put an end to needless disposal of horses because of this sometimes misunderstood trait."

I have yet to hear "he had a blue eye, so I shipped him to kill." I know many people find it less desirable, as they find many traits less desirable. What is next, the "Lop Eared Horse Association," the "Ear Pinners Preservation Society," and the "Hanging Lip Breeders Trust" ???

"Many registries have been started as a means for tracing and understanding various traits in horses."

This is genius. I think I am going to start a registry for cribbers. Who can think of a good name? I fear the American Sucking Horse Society might be taken the wrong way.

"With future and past documentation of blue eyed horses and forums we hope to help shed some light on this sometimes "touchy" subject. We will continue to support the breeding of quality horses and adding a bit of "flare" with some sparkling blue-eyes to boot!"

Flare is something you hope the farrier will correct and/or a style of blue jeans. Are you trying for "flair?"

FHOTD speaking: Thanks to the BEHA, we now have yet another category of what you see at the left, commonly referred to by horse professionals as "stubby necked, fugly headed, fat li'l cowpony." But hey, thanks to those colored peepers, here she is touted on a web page for "marvelous mares."

They have online horse shows (you submit photos, you see, like a model horse show) and like every phony-baloney silly registry, grade horses are accepted and there are pretty much no standards. "ANY HORSE, regardless of size (including ponies), breed, or papers with BLUE in one or both eyes is eligible and will receive REGISTRY papers from the BEHA and will be eligible for all current and future programs." Now, if this was only some cutesey thing for little girls with blue eyed horses to double-register in, I wouldn't care - but you guessed it. Breeding is (of course!) encouraged. "Offspring of BEHA registered horses are eligible for breeding stock registration--with additional generations registerable for tracking purposes."

And hey, they accept paypal! So you can put everything on your credit card!
To really get the full effect, you must proceed to their FAQ where you can learn tips like:
  • FACT: Many breeders have come to understand that their blue eyed horses are easier to read then a brown eyed horse.....WHY? Because with a lighter colored eye, you can clearly see the pupil --THE WINDOW INTO YOUR HORSES SOUL-- large pupils indicate scared or tired or unsure, small pupils indicate happy, relaxed, and easy going. (Available Soon: Eye Readings, just $25 a pop!)

  • Recently the BEHA was asked if there should be a white hoof registry....they too are associated with rumors of being less then worthy. PERHAPS there should be. (And we will be happy to help with that. Just send money!)

  • We are recognized by the IRS as an official registry. (The IRS is deciding what is or is not an official horse registry? Who knew?)
Then I went to their home page, where I learned unsurprising facts such as:
  • They stand a bay sabino Arabian stallion. It is 2 years old and as far as I can tell from their web site, its primary accomplishment is going to a horse expo once. Of course they have already shipped it's semen far and wide!

  • They breed dogs that are registered with two "stock dog registries." No sign of AKC registration, of course!

  • As far as horses, hell, you name it, they'll breed it. They cop to breeding "Purebred AQHA and Arabians, Paints, Pintos, as well as National Show Horses, Part and Half Arabians and Quarters,Quarabs." It's the 31 Flavors of horse breeding!

Here is one of the BEHA's registered stallions. Wow, those front pasterns just sing "Breakdown, Dead Ahead," don't they? Yes, we have another flashy colored, conformationally defective creature here that is downhill, has a short fugly neck, terrible loin attachment and front pasterns that are some of the most extremely weak I have ever seen.
He has a nice hip, shoulder and head. Too bad everything connecting them is so awful!

Another BEHA broodmare, who most closely resembles a wiener dog in conformation, except that a wiener dog typically has a fancier head. This mare has the pie-shaped head we last saw on that lovely ex-Paint stallion (whose wise owner has now gelded him) attached to a stumpy little neck. She looks like she would be a nice mare for the kids to walk around on triple bareback. But now, thanks to the BEHA, she can be a foundation brodmare, too!
Seriously, what's next?