Disgracing the legal profession with every word he writes!

One of my observant readers found a web site from this neanderthal asshat who thinks horse tripping should be legal.

He tells this AWESOME story to "prove" his point:

"I had a black stud horse, I loaned to a friend for breading. He was a strong horse with a little bit of a mean streak."

OK, THAT MEANS HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GELDING! Thanks for breeding more horses with a mean streak. We need more of those!

"When he came back he was just crazy. I have the impression that during the two weeks he was gone, he was let loose with a number of mares in heat."

That would make him tired and highly manageable, not crazy. Maybe your asshat buddy used him for tripping practice, THAT would make him crazy.

"The day after he was returned, the hand who took care of him, was taking him out of his stable, to put him on a pole where he would spend the day."

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

"When he got near a mare that was not in heat, he reared up and got away. The stud took off after a mare. She rebuffed his approach by kicking him just as hard a she could. He would not take no for an answer and he went after her aging and she continued kicking him. One of the guys, who were nearby, threw a rope around his neck. This just got him madder, and he jerked the rope out of the roper’s hands and took off down a road towards where some children were playing."

'Cause he was gonna attack those small children because he couldn't get a mare...stallions do that all the time, you know. They are fire breathing dragons and it takes a real man to control 'em! With a big rope! Never mind that I can ride my (16.2) stallion in a halter and a lead rope and I'm a 5'3 girl...

"That’s when I saw mangana work. A short small Charro threw a loop around the front legs of the crazed animal. Down he went."

Should have shot him while he was down. Y'all missed your golden opportunity to improve the gene pool.

"Three of us got to him at about the same time. I grabbed the original lead rope and a second lead rope was attached on him. Someone grabbed the rope around his neck. When we had him sort of under control, the loop on his legs was released and the three of use got him into a corral. He lost his masculinity the next week. I figured he was going to hurt someone and it was probably going to be me."

Ah well, at least he got gelded even if was because you're a chickenshit and a bad trainer!

And just to REALLY piss me off, he put in a bunch of completely idiotic comments about polo, which show that he doesn't know JACK SHIT about anything but horse abuse in the name of culture:

"If you’ve seen a polo match, then you know that a polo mallet in full swing can open a foreleg to the bone."

OK, let me break this down for you, you ignoramus: A polo mallet weighs almost nothing. The cane is bamboo and the head is about 2/5ths of a pound of wood. I could beat you over your stupid, ignorant head with a polo mallet repeatedly and cause no worse than bruising. There is no way in hell a polo mallet has ever opened a horse's foreleg to the bone and considering that we play them in wraps with foam or neoprene boots over that, even a bruise seems highly unlikely. How about you put the same leg protection on the horses you want to rope and throw to the ground, you jackass? Ha. You'd never do it. Just wouldn't be as cool without the blood, right?

But hey, dumbass here just thinks we're racist and elitist if we don't support his right to rope horses by the forelegs and send them crashing to the ground. Which is interesting because he claims to be a lawyer...so I checked him out. There is a Randolph M. Janssen who is an attorney in San Antonio, Texas. I wasn't sure it was him but then I managed to confirm on the fax number for the "San Antonio Charro Association" - it's the same as his law firm. What an UTTER DISGRACE to the legal profession! I am completely and totally disgusted and I call upon all of you to help ensure that any clients of his or prospective clients KNOW what this man endorses and participates in during his free time. Remember, it is not libel if it is the truth so if you post that this man endorses horse tripping, that is not a lie. He is proud of it - but still tries to hide his crap behind an anonymous domain registration. Yeah. That worked great, Randy, didn't it?

You want to sue me for this blog, Randy? I bet you do! Let's GO, you fucktard. It's ON. I'd LOVE to go up against your lame, pathetic, animal abusing ass in court. I'm guessing the Animal Legal Defense Fund might want a piece of you, too. Hope you've cleared your calendar!

Hey - good catch - blog reader Two Fishies just found where the Attorney General of Texas stated a jury could construe horse tripping as torture. Hey, Randy, good luck hanging on to your law license when the whole world finds out what you support and participate in! Even your own state thinks you are an asshat!

Anyway, he invites comments. So, comment away! And here is his e-mail. Remember, your opinion is protected. Threats are not. Threats make you look just as bad as he is. Share your opinion but do not cross the line. He is entitled to his opinion and we are entitled to tell him - and the world - what we think of his opinion.

On a happier note - do you remember Lucy from the Enumclaw sale? She is today's Friday Featured Rescue! Stephanie reports that she's a superstar to ride and would be great for an intermediate rider. She bathes, longes, good for farrier, and has become totally "in your pocket. She still has some headshy issues from clearly a less than wonderful past, but that is the only flaw. She is 100% sound, a very cute mover, and ready to move on with an owner of her very own.

I personally would VERY much like to see this mare go to a teen or petite adult lady who has a lot of time to spend feeding her cookies (she didn't even know what they were when I got her!) and getting over her fears with love. She is 15.2, 14 years old and a Thoroughbred. Please e-mail me with LUCY in the subject line if you would like to come try out little Lucy - she is in Enumclaw, Washington and yes, I will adopt out of state with proper references.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Too bad lasik doesn't fix barn blindness!

Awww, look at this sweet looking 4-H gelding. Now if only someone would feed him and deworm him...and maybe get a better farrier, his two fronts look totally different.

Oh wait, he's not a gelding. He is instead described as an "outstanding AQHA dun stallion." Huh? Yup. Owned by Hopalong Assidy, pictured below in the saddle.

Look, I'm not saying everybody's gotta have a Chavez, but that saddle is older than I am. I can't remember the last time I saw buckstitching. The 4-H kids know better than to put something like that on their horse!

Also, try adjusting your breastcollar so it doesn't look like your horse is gonna catch a knee in it. A hole punch is a wonderful thing. You can get 'em at Fleet Farm for less than the cost of a case of beer!

Now let's talk about poor little colt there. OK, buddy, it's a Quarter Horse. One of the major conformational features of the Quarter Horse is the hip. Your horse doesn't have one. To put it in terms you can understand, your baby ain't got no back. He's got an upright shoulder, too, he toes out on all fours, and he's got all the muscle development of a starved Ethiopian child. Proper nutrition would fix some of this, but he's never going to be stallion material.

Hopalong missed the AQHA conformation lecture entirely, as we can see from his choice of broodmare. This sad little, equally assless filly is a whoppin' 13.3 at three years old. SO LET'S BREED HER! Yup, he did. To the thing above. Looking at these two parents, I'm thinking that baby is going to come out resembling an Italian Greyhound with hooves.

And yes, that's his two year old daughter, bare headed on a three year old filly. Because people like Hopalong always reproduce. That is why there are so many like him!

The filly's barn name is Porche. I think that might be an Italian veranda.

OK, so if you don't want to pay $4500 for pony mare and her unborn assless wonder (buddy, should I just start posting pics of what you CAN buy for $4500? I mean, I can buy an AQHA quality show prospect for $4500. Seriously.) you can send your own horse for Hopalong to train! C'mon, doesn't the following paragraph just make you want to sign right up?

"I Train all types of ranch style ridding including Western Pleasure and Trail. I am Currently filling stalls for Training and Boarding. I have trained Breeds including: Fresian Crosses, Quarter Horses, Fjords, Paints, Morgans, Arabians, and more... I hyave trained horses in Wisconsin and Idaho and worked with different trainers from Wisconsin, Idaho, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, and South Dakota. I also give Riding lessons to kids and Adults of all ages. I charge $575 for a month of training, that includes indoor board for training and $25 for a one hour Riding lesson."

If only I could figure out how to start ridding the world of breeders like this, I'd be a lot happier!

P.S. Hopalong, when you show up here, this was sent in by someone who has to drive by your shitheap facility and see your skinny horses every damn day and they are really sick of that. So, memo to asshats everywhere, if your horses can be seen from the road, you might want to try feeding/deworming them.

We can afford an overpriced gypsy cart horse...

...but not good enough fence to keep him from breeding everything with a vagina!

"I have 2 mare that they Gypsy stallion "Barnaby" decided to romance while we were out of town. Came back from vacation to find him with my 2 saddle mares. I have a 1/2 Shire 1/2 Thoroughbred broodmare that is confirmed 20 days in foal on September 3rd. She loads, ties, stands for the farrier and was told she was rideable. I have ground drove the mare which makes me think she possible had been ridden in the past. She has some feather and her tail touches the ground. The second horse is a 5 year old paint mare that I just got on August 9th of this year for a riding horse. She is confirmed 15 days in foal on Sept. 3rd.She is a real sweet girl that is broke to ride. She also loads really nice, stands for the farrier and has been trail ridden by beginners. The first two pictures are of the Gypsy Stallion. You can view more pictures at www.snakeriverdrafts.com "

So I went to their web site. Read this paragraph and tell me you can't hear the train whistle coming down the tracks!

"In 2005, my husband purchased 3 draft mares as an anniversary present. The passion for these beautiful animals has grown. Our herd is now 17 horses strong in just over 2 years."

Then they plug the fencing, which is fencing I like - but it is NOT STALLION FENCING.

"Anyone who has draft horses knows that they scratch on everything. Any fence we were going to put up would still need to have an electric strand around it to protect the fence. That is why our ranch will only use Safe Fence. This product is wonderful- It is electric, easy to install and looks great!"

But it sure as hell doesn't contain a horny Gypsy Vanner!

Good luck selling your oops babies out of those two fugly mares in utero. You're gonna need it!

P.S. It's not too late to abort them!

P.P.S. He "romanced" them? Oh givemeabreak...they are mares in heat, they would have F'ed a donkey if it had gotten in their pen.

Good and bad crossbreds

People tend to generalize and think I hate all crossbreds, so in contrast to the Pintabians I was making fun of a few days ago, let me give you an example of a good part Arab tobiano stallion. This one was sent to me and I have to agree - if you are going to breed spotted part-Arabians, this is the kind you want to breed.

He is correct, pretty and most of all USEFUL. What I like about this horse is that even though they have chosen endurance as his discipline, one look at the photos on his web site shows you that he could have been equally successful as an English Pleasure horse. (Although staying sound for 1000 endurance miles says a LOT to me about something's worthiness to breed on, not to mention that he has to ride in a herd, with mares in heat, and behave himself in order to compete - and he does.)



The great irony here is that according to some ads I found online, he sold for the price of one breeding to that blech Pintabian from my original blog. Which would you rather have?



I'm not totally anti-crossbreds - especially when they can be part of an established and respected registry that has horseshows, like half Arabians. I just think you have to know your stuff regarding genetics, conformation, etc. so that you don't wind up with some kind of mix and match nightmare with the worst traits of both breeds. It's easier to screw up breeding a crossbred, in my opinion, and that is evidenced by the stunning numbers of just godawful hideous draft crosses out there thanks to that weird "Oh, everybody is going to want a draft cross, you'll get rich on them" trendy nonsense that went around a while back (and appears to still be going around with the slower folks...) My god, what auction these days doesn't have a zillion of the things going to kill? Sad, sad, sad!



If you are a "beginner" breeder, it really is best to stick with one of the "main" breeds and get good advice from an experienced breeder. By experienced, I do not mean "has been doing it for 50 years." I mean "their homebreds win at the shows/other type of competitions RIGHT NOW." That's the person you learn from if you want to do it right. And please don't even think about if if you don't have disposable income and the ability to train or wherewithal to hire a trainer. If you just want a baby to play with, there are a ton of them already out there.

Oh man, these people get the FHOTD award of the day! LOVE IT!

Sale ad:

APHA Palomino Overo Stallion. Mighty Awesome mare. Mr Be Downtown mare. Skipper W mare. Palominos. 5YO to 15YO. Great herd starter. $10,000. Individual offers considered. All credit criminal check required to buy. Free Cemetery Plot For Abusers. (770) 891-5718 http://www.cederstrand.com/

(Before you say it, no, I am not thrilled about the mini stud that is cheaper without papers on their web site, sigh, but in general it looks like a lovely farm with well cared for, quality horses, proper facilities, and a good ol' snarky sense of humor and commitment to their horses' safety - not just making a buck!)

He needs to be used as much as I need 20 extra pounds!

According to his ad, you can buy him for a dollar! You know what, I'd rather have a small fries for that.

"Video now available! 1999 stallion by Touchdown Kid, out of Review The Obvious (Obvious Conclusion X Annie Review by Impressive Review). Exceptional stallion with natural muscle, HUGE forearm and chest, great gaskin, nice hip, gorgeous head and tiny ear. He is also VERY easy to handle. He really needs to be used. We believe his babies could be amazing! HYPP N/H, no symptoms. "


I gotta say it. Why are all these Touchdown Kid horses so godawful-legged? Remember this nasty legged piece of crap? That was her breeding, too. I mean, even worse than normal and we've seen a lot of bad legs among the halter set. Look at those nasty, tied in, calf kneed front legs. Blech! He doesn't look like he'd stay sound for walk-trot. All that bulk on NO bone and backwards knees. My yearling QH has more bone already than this thing.

Secondly, N/H is bad and I don't care if he hasn't had any symptoms yet. Again, you are simply putting more little ticking time bombs on the ground if you breed this horse. They may stay asymptomatic, or they may fall over dead at a horseshow. There's a reason AQHA had to institute a rule that a halter horse is disqualified if all four feet are off the ground and it's not because they're doing airs above the ground, it's because some of these genetically defective mutants have fallen over in the class!

He's got a pretty head, neck and shoulder (yeah, ok, the neck is a bit short but it's still one of his better features) but he looks downhill and of course he's got post hocks. Maybe he is sweet. Maybe he could be used for light riding if he got gelded. Maybe he'll never have an attack. But what are the odds? We all know some greedy asshat is going to see this ad and go woo-hoo, deal of the century, I'm gonna grab that one and breed those 10 mares I dragged home from the auction for $2000 total...

Selling him as a breeding stallion and saying he "needs to be used?" Totally irresponsible. The breed doesn't need more HYPP or more shitty front legs, Circles in the Sand Farm of Reddick, Florida. By the way, Daniel R. Chicola of Coushatta, Louisiana, you didn't need to breed this thing in the first place. You knew it could be HYPP positive. And previous owners Steven Wayne Herdes of Noble, Indiana and Robert Haas, Jr. of Muncie, Indiana, you dropped the ball on gelding it, too.

By the way, whichever judge put it first in halter twice, you deserve to be a stop on the Bitch Slap World Tour also, although I see the classes weren't big enough for it to get even a half point so maybe it was the only one in there. You just know someone has been marketing him saying he's won halter twice at the AQHA show!

OK, now just because I know you guys love this shit, Circles in the Sand farm has a Myspace! I will say, at least she has her clothes on. But, are you ready, she's part of a homeschooling Christian family of six. I'd really like to get some religious authority to come out with a proclamation that "be fruitful and multiply" doesn't apply to HYPP positive horses...I'm also think Jesus doesn't think highly of you dumping your incontinent dog after it got hit by a car because you failed to contain it. (Folks, your phone number Googles. It does!)

Memo to asshats: We're faster to copy than you are to delete

Unfuckingbelievable...from Austin Craigslist last week. Just unfuckingbelievable.

"This 5-month-old filly is out of our ranch stallion TH Colonel Coyote, who is a grandson of Colonel Freckles. Her pedigree also goes back to Leo, Wimpy, Old Sorrel, Peppy, Three Bars and Easy Jet. This little filly is very gentle and willing to do anything. As you can see she allows our 4 year old son to ride her with a saddle. She will make someone a great working horse or even just a easy pleasure riding horse. She is an easy keeper since she has been pasture raised with cattle. We have only fed her grain a couple of times and has been on grass and very little hay. For more information please call us at 979-716-1696 or email us at preuss@tconline.net."

P.S. We're also very good with Google, Sam and Dawn Preuss of Cowboy's Dream Ranch in Dimebox, Texas who stand TH Colonel Coyote. I have absolutely NO IDEA what relationship your stallion has to the slutty chick on Myspace, but why don't you come here and fill us in? Inquiring minds want to know!