For you newbies, I coined the term theatrical asshattery a while back to describe all of the silly, dramatic, meaningless things people will do to a horse for marketing purposes. I.E. their two year old child hanging off their stallion's tail or cousin Cooter executing a triple backflip from the horse's back into the bed of his 1972 El Camino while shootin' at the doghouse with a rifle. After all, who needs all their toes? You'd think with all of the times I've featured these ads and made fun of them, they'd become more rare. But no, not these folks. They want their 15 minutes even if it's all negative publicity, so I'm here to give it to them!
"Black Shetland gelding, 9 yo, 9.2 ¾ . Major is a wonderfully quiet little man, who has been started using natural horsemanship methods and is going to make a little child a wonderful pony. He can be ridden using saddle and bridle or halter and bareback. He has been ridden on the roads and out and about with absolutely no problem by my 11yo daughter and has taught absolute beginners to ride, right up to jumping level. He loves to be brushed and pampered and will happily follow around my 2 yo daughter while she plays in the paddocks while others are riding around. She also rides him with a halter and rope, unaided. He has been taught to move hindquarters, shoulders, rein back, walk trot and canter. He happily does trail courses and is jumping small jumps. We have started riding him with just a string, but he still needs work in this area. Major has not long been gelded, but he was extremely quiet as a stallion also. His only problem is he is a little sensitive picking up his back feet, which we are working on. We are asking $1200 for Major. "
FHOTD in: Major sounds like a gem. You, however, are an idiot. Who lets their 2 year old play out in the horse paddock? Much less ride "unaided?" Here's a clue, sunshine. A child that is too young to ride a 2-wheeler bicycle unaided is too young to ride a horse unaided, period! And ya know, the brakes work on the bike 100% of the time they are applied. The bike doesn't spook if a car backfires or the neighbors start shooting at cans in the backyard. The picture above just makes me think we've captured the moment right before "Oh my God, it was an accident, the pony didn't mean to do it" and the trip to the emergency room.
It's a pony. It has sharp hooves. It weighs a lot more than your two year old. It is a prey animal that has a natural response to run quickly when frightened. How stupid do you have to be to plop your kid in front of its front feet? But hey, it's a kid, they all get bumps and bruises and brain injuries, it's perfectly natural, right?...hey maybe that is what they mean by natural horsemanship!
"Rescues" are just as guilty as private sellers of posting these kind of pictures in their constant pursuit of Internet panhandling. This trail riding place/alleged rescue has a myspace that is just horrifying.
When I see this picture, it doesn't make me think, wow, those are some quiet horses and I want to ride there. It makes me think, dude, you've got at least a B cup going there - please put on a shirt and cover up your man boobs!
I also liked the helmetless toddler on the skinny appaloosa with his backbone sticking up. Ah well, that might be one member of this family that doesn't go on to reproduce, so that could be a good thing!OT but I had to include it. Reading the next ad, I just know some of you are going to say, oh, she's probably a very kind person! So what if she can't spell? Not everybody gets a great education like you did, you overprivileged sack of suburban-raised snarky shit. So I'm just including her next set of ads detailing that time-honored practice of dumping your pets because you are going on vacation and don't want to pay for the pet sitter to give you a little more perspective.
ad #1
2 rescue horse.s need a good home
I have 2 rescue horses that came from a ranch who only used them for makeing money one is a white ariabean mare about 12 years old and the outher is a brown/black geldeing all so a ariabean they have always been together and i would like them too stay togerther if some one could garent they would get a forever home they was in really bad shap when i got them they are looking better got them threw the winter and now its time to find them a good home .till the rest of there years i will take oferes on them and would like to find them a good home not looking for any big money just a little to recoup some feed bill my hreat whent out to them and took them in as they was trown away after they was no longer needed i dont no much about them .i have neaver been on them so i dont know if they are broke to ride .againe i was just taking them in as aniamle rescue please help me find a for ever home so i can help more horses in need .thank you and good blesse you may call me at 214-934-5938
ad #2
RICHARDSON GROUND SQUIRRL (HUNT / COLLIN )
Reply to: PUGMASTERCJ@ONLINEISP.NET
Date: 2008-07-04, 6:44PM CDT
I HAVE A MALE GROUND SQUIRRL HES LIKE A BIG HAMPSTER HE LOVES TO PLAY WITH HES WHELL IAM ASKING 50.00 FOR HIM IF IF YOU NEED A CAGE I HAVE A LARGE TREE STORY FERRET CAGE I WILL LEAVE EVERYTHING I HAVE IN THE CAGE TREE BOX AND WHELL FOR HIM TO PLAY ON FOR 90.00 AND YOU CAN HAVE EVERY THING WE ARE TRYING TO TAKE A VACATION AND I FELL IT WOULD BE BEST TO REHOME HIM WE ARE PLANING TO TAKE A TRIP AT THE END OF JULY AND THEN PLANE ON TRAVELLING QUIET OFTEN YOU MAY CALL 214-934-5938 THANK YOU
2 TREE FROGS AND A HOUSE GIECO (HUNT / COLLIN )
HAVE 2 GREEN TREE AND A BROWN SMALL HOUSE GIECO WE NEED TO FIND A GOOD HOME FOR THEY WILL COME WITH A SMALL PLASTIC TANK AND IT WILL HAVE A WATER BOWEL WE ARE GOING ON VACATION A NEED TO FIND A GOOD HOME THE KIDS HAVE HAD FUN WITH THEM BUT ITS TIME TO FINE THEM A NEW HOME WE ARE ASKING 25.00 FOR ALL TREE AND THIER HOME HOPE TO FIND A NEW HOME FOR THEM BEFOR WE LEAVE THANK YOU YOU MAY CALL 214-934-5938 THANK YOU
About to go on vacation? (1) stop the mail (2) turn off the air conditioning (3) check the oil in the car (4) dump the pets. All set for summer fun!
Asshats.
