Horsewings just posted this BRILLIANT compendium of reasons you might get yourself featured on this blog. It definitely deserves front page billing!
Asshats abound! In that spirit, and with due deference to Jeff Foxworthy, here is how you can tell if YOU are an ASSHAT:
If you have ever bred a stallion to a mare “just to see what you get”, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever put your barefoot, helmetless kid on an unbroke horse to pose for a horse-for-sale ad, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever bred your mare so you could watch the “miracle of birth”, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever bred 30 mares for this spring but haven’t yet sold your last two years’ fuglies, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever bred 30 mares for this spring and now think hay is too expensive so you’re going to sell them all at rock-bottom prices via dispersal sale/auction, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever put your child in a dangerous situation for your own selfish gratification (FHOTD in: Or for marketing purposes, or because YOU are afraid to put that first ride on yourself so you throw your kid up there like a convenient sack of potatoes!) you might be an asshat.
If you have ever had a buy-one-get-one-free sale at your HORSE RESCUE, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever got drunk and let your friend’s stallion mount your mare so you could laugh it up, you might be an asshat. (FHOTD in: Extra credit for putting it on Youtube)
If you have ever made “expert” videos of yourself really bitching up horse-related activities, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever bred a lame mare because she wasn’t able to do anything BUT reproduce, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever ridden a horse that you outweigh, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever bought a stallion because it is a “rush,” you might be an asshat.
If yore breading praktisses are as shitty as yore speling, you might be an asshat.
If your idea of good conformation is four mostly useable legs and a totally useable uterus, you might be an asshat.
If it never occurred to you to leave your mare open for a season or two, you might be an asshat.
If you think letting a 5 year old child run a barrel pattern is kyooot, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever “got after” a horse that had no clue what you were asking of him, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever jumped 4 feet or done sliding stops with a 2 year old horse, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever sold a young green horse to a novice promising they would learn together, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever taken a horse you knew was lame to a horse show, you might be an asshat. (FHOTD in: Or a horse so thin that all of its ribs were showing and it was tucked up like a greyhound!)
If you have ever posed as a rescue, accepted money for a horse’s care, then dumped it once the cash was gone, you might be an asshat. (FHOTD in: Extra credit if you never had the horse in the first place!)
If you breed Pugadoodlemations or Goldenlabrashepherdachshunds to go along with your
WalkaRockaloosacurly sport cobs, you might be an asshat.
If you are standing a stallion that has no show record, no performance record, no talent, and isn’t even broke, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever traded your stallion’s services for beer or dope, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever written an ad using the term “out of” when referring to the father of a foal, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever stood agog at clinics where clinicians “play” with their horses and teach you how to be your horsey’s friend, you might be an asshat.
If you have a website that has pics of your barn made out of old scrap lumber and blue tarps, plays crappy music, and pictures of Pegasus, you might be an asshat.
If you tell people you are a rescue but place sick, untreated horses, never check references, approve adoptions to people you have never met based only on an application you received by email, or never check on the horse again, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever advertised your stallion citing only his distant ancestors’ accomplishments to promote him because he has none of his own, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever emailed a rescue asking them for free horses, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever told people you are a trainer because you watched a series of videos from a “renowned” national NH trainer, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever promoted a HYPP N/H or H/H horse as a “great broodmare prospect” or “awesome stud,” you might be an asshat. (FHOTD in: Or you have no idea of your linebred Poco Bueno horse's HERDA status)
If you have ever used up a good horse then tried to dump it “free to good home” rather than either giving it a much-earned retirement or a dignified death, you might be an asshat.
If you have ever posed as a loving horse owner, scooped up a bunch of “free to good home” horses and then shipped them to slaughter, you might be an asshat.
FHOTD in: If you have ever posted online that you can't afford hay/grain/the vet/your mortgage and you don't know what to dooooooo yet you DO NOT HAVE A JOB, you are definitely an asshat!
If you do any of the above on a regular basis or see nothing wrong with any of this, you ARE an ASSHAT!So sayeth the FHOTD Mafia!
