Tuesday, January 8, 2008

We called the vet and he had ammonia!

Warning: Sparkly shit alert. This site will hurt your eyes!

Who makes a business web site like that? It looks like the cover of my school folder when I was 12 and we were all into stickers with unicorns and fairies on them!

Anyway, these folks are breeding...shit, everything. OK, here's what they say they are doing, and I quote: "We raise arabians, arabian cross and AQHA. Are breeding is Straight Egyptian, and domestic."

(Man, next Christmas, we gotta just send out Hooked on Phonics gift sets anonymously, you know?)

They have FIVE stallions. (I thought they had six, but when I clicked on that one, he was actually good looking. That was swiftly explained by the line "Johnny is not may stallion." That explains it! I knew one of these things was not like the other!)

One is a bottle-raised Arabian colt (raised on goat's milk, not "milk re placer," they are sure to point out). Poor little guy had a rough start. At four months, he started losing weight so they called the vet (ok, at least they have a vet). The vet "found that Amir had ammonia."

*headshake* What? A friend of mine heard this story and pointed out that perhaps he really did have ammonia, as when you keep foals in really nasty stalls you never clean, the ammonia fumes can burn their lungs and cause problems! While this is entirely possible, I'm still going with theory #1 - they think ammonia is a disease. Yup, and if you don't practice safe sex, you may contract harpies!

Courageous little totally unspectacular Arab colt survived and is still a stud - as long as he behaves. She does note that she has "heard horror story’s of bottle babies being stallions." Yes, dear, that is because of inability to set boundaries on the part of the owners (see my "Best of" January 1st post for a classic example). However, please keep believing this falsehood as it may encourage you to chop the balls off this critter!

This is their pony stallion Jasper. "he is a blue roan Sabino rabicano over." Over what? Huh? Who cares? He's the height of fug. Look at the hideous shoulder. I'm not sure what to make of that funky topline, and the fugly, fugly hammerhead goes without saying.

Of course, there are NO riding pictures of ANY of these stallions anywhere, nor is any mention made of show results. Yes, much like our friend Kevin Federline, these stallions seem to have one lone talent: reproducing.

This is Diablo. They are "prying that Diablo carries the roan gene the way his sire did." I am prying he is sterile and can become a nice gelding for somebody! I have rarely seen a pedigree that so clearly says "generations of shitty fencing brought me into being." I mean, I think there is some Music Mount about 6 generations back and that is about it. As a friend of mine likes to say, this one is by Truck out of Town. Does anyone see anything here special enough to make more of? Anyone?

But hey, let's cut them some slack. OK, their stallions are nasty, but maybe they have really great mares that can overcome some of the stallions' faults!

Or not.