Thursday, December 6, 2007

Stallions, stallions, everywhere!

Just falling from the sky! Does no one know how to geld a horse anymore (or spell? Why do those things ALWAYS go together?)

"GORGEOUS STALLIOM. Magic has no foals on the ground. (Thank you, Jesus!) He is a sweet tempered stallion. I plan to breed him to my mare next year. (No! No! No!) He is curently in a pasture with a 3 year old pinto pony stallion. (Since I don't believe in castration) He is up to date on all shots. He will be getting trained to ride next year also. (oooh, at age 8, you think he's ready?) He is a handsome boy he loves people and thinks he his a big pupy dog because he follws me around." (Every horse I have follows me around. That is what happens when you feed them. It is not a talent on a par with, say, winning the QH Congress or jumping 3'6.)

Bleah! This critter is a 7 year old unbroke 14 hand still-downhill piece of shit with an awful shoulder, a worse neck, no muscular development, and his knees point outwards. The only good thing I can say is he's very shiny. And if she thinks HE is "gorgeous," I shudder to think what her mare looks like!

All right, on to the next "stallion prospect"...

"Junier is a beautiful hahlinger Arib (WTF?)cross he is big for his age and big boned he is very sweet and easy to work with. Junier is almost as tall as his mom at 7 month old (as you can see since obviously weaning is a foreign concept to us) and is big bodyed so I am not sure how big he will get he is seen in the pictures with his mom the Haflinger and his half brother who is 3 the paint. The mom is 14 hands and the paint is about 15 hands. Junier was imprinted as a new born and picks up his feet, leads, stands to be brushed, lets you mess with his ears eyes and mouth and has the Haflinger temperment they are very willing workers and learn easy. (Certainly better than I do!) He is a beautiful bay coler with unusual grey legs and a frosted looking mane and tail. He will be good for vertualy anything and comes from great wagon stock. (As in chuck wagon? Wasn't there a dog food called that?) Please fell free to contact me with any questions. (I have a question. Why isn't he gelded?) "

Here's a GREAT ad. This person needs to fly to America I can smack them upside their stupid head.

"Mini Mares and xWelsh Mares BUY 1 GET A STALLION/COLT FREE(HALFWAY BETWEEN LITHGOW & MUDGEE 2HRS SYDENY) on 13-Nov-07 06:17 PM AEST To reply to this advertisement email
Have lots of Mares to sell and stallions/colts to give away with each mare you buy you get a stallion or colt for free you pick as long as stock lasts. Most Palouse breed a lot with colour. PRICES FROM $500 to $800. Photos can be sent just arsk. PERMITS can be obtained to move ponys now."

Buy one, get one free! While supplies last! No limit per customer!

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

"Both parents are appaloosa.He turned out solid w/white star on face & white stockings.This is a truley sweet colt w/excellent temperment.He will let you do anything with him...we wormed him without a halter on & he'll let my 7 year old pick up all 4 feet & tap on bottom.We also take visa/mastercard.Approx.12 hands.Why buy a pony for your kids when you can find a horse that will last them a life-time as calm as he is!"

OF COURSE HE'S CALM! HE'S STARVING AS IS EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR PICTURES! That's why he's TWELVE HANDS as a TWO YEAR OLD! Holy shit, seriously, click and look at their ads, everything that's off its mother looks like it's starving to death. Are you blind? How can you post these pictures and not realize something is wrong???

GAH! Must stop looking at ads before bedtime. Am now going to have nightmares! "MUST SELL!!!!! GRULLA Leopard stud colt, very pretty and well bred. Kash has great conformation, breeding and disposition. He is easy to catch and handle and has very nice manners, he is played with daily. Very good bloodlines that can be seen on my website. He moves very nice. sweet. loves people. utd on shots, and worming. great for vet and farrier. no trades, no payments. paypal accepted. more horses for sale. "

OMG seriously, what is this? The front pasterns alone! Not to mention the shoulder and the post legs and the pot belly and the itsy feet...I am nearly rendered speechless!

OK, now I'm going to be politically incorrect (I know you are all stunned and shocked). We've discussed before that there can be appropriately sized/conformed horses for larger riders, but I'm gonna say it...there's a point at which you are just too damn big to ride and that point is in the video below. Holy shit, I can't believe the horse tolerated it as long as he did!


On other matters...stop trying to finish your barely 2 year old for reining! Way, way, WAY too hard on him! You're going to blow out his legs by five at this rate.

OK I'm off to bed to have nightmares about the leopard spotted yak reproducing...