Monday, January 19, 2009

The January STFU List!

I think that for 2009, I'm going to start doing a monthly list of everybody in the horse biz who I think desperately needs to STFU. As my readers, you are of course most welcome to add to the list!

1. Cleve Wells. Cleve decided to defend himself via text message. No, I am not making this up. What are you, twelve? I take that back - most 12 year olds know the difference between there/their/they're.

"Good morning --- customers suggested to continue silence an let everyone bury themselves then they will move in…i have to support there decision because they support me as i said i have a very loyal and wealth set of clients… That speaks for my integrity honesty and loyalty. Thank u for ur respect and i do believe u will do what is right"

OK, what does that even mean? His customers are telling him to shut up (and the fact that they are still his customers tells me they are winning-is-everything asshats who don't care what he does) but who exactly would be "burying" themself? The totally innocent owner who had no idea her horse was being tortured? Secondly, who the hell cares if they are wealthy? We all know being rich isn't proof of being kind, ethical or having any integrity - hellooooo, ever hear of Bernie Madoff??? You ever watch the news, Cleve?

What an idiot. No logical reasoning skills at all. STFU already, you evil, horse-beating piece of shit.

2. Snotty little 21 year olds at boarding barns who think they know all there is to know about horses. I was told this week that "all horses get scratches like this in the winter" and it was "no big deal." It was insinuated in no uncertain terms that I didn't know shit, was overreacting, and had wasted the owner's money on a unnecessary vet call. Never mind that the vet, you know, the person who has actually been to school for this said that if she had not been called, the mare would have suffered permanent damage as the legs were ulcerated and infected.

STFU, sweetie, and stop embarrassing your entire age group by opening your mouth!

3. Phoenix Rising Sanctuary in Duvall, Washington. HOW DARE YOU post ads offering to take in more horses while AT THE SAME TIME you are screaming that you have a "HAY CRISIS?" Her hay supplier went out of business and now she has to, booo hooo pay more. WELCOME TO THE PNW, HAY IS EXPENSIVE! If you can't afford hay for what you have, STOP GETTING MORE. Well, maybe she'll read the response someone WITH a brain wrote. She was begging for pasture last winter. (She and Cleve must have gone to the same grammar school, pun intended.) Oh, did I mention she is breeding fuglies? And check out some of the "adoption fees." The pic was taken by someone unfortunate enough to visit and see her Hoarder Haven in person. It'd be funny if it weren't all so sad. Choo choo! That's the sound of the train heading for the mountainside!

Hey, LynnD? Not sure if this is a drunk friend or a drunk relative, but perhaps you should stop collecting too many horses and spend a bit of time worrying about the alcoholic person posting your rescue's phone number on the internet.

Dec 31 2007 11:09 AM

Hey! I cant find my phone, did i leave it in your truck? JEBUS i was WASTED! last night.I woke up this morning at eight and I was still drunk. Well since you cant call me just myspace me, or call lynnd 206 321 0142.
:) thanks hun

Call LynnD, she'll be holding my hair while I puke while, outside, her horses are wondering when some hay is going to show up!

4. Karma Farms of Marshall, Texas. Because the only thing better than breeding fugly mustangs is breeding fugly mustangs AND "Twisty Cats." Check out that hideous critter on the left. Now THAT is a textbook "nest" (neck runs straight down to the front legs, no chest definition at all) And there's worse on their web site!

5. Betty Jones, the president of the Arkansas Horse Council. Betty sent out an e-mail this week to a bunch of people who, sadly for her, didn't all agree with her pro-slaughter remarks and therefore forwarded the e-mail to me. Betty says: "The majority of states have come out in favor of slaughter and the humaniacs need to be put in their place (to the moon, Alice). " Fortunately for Betty, all of us horrible people who have the nerve to object to our horses being hung by a hook and their throats cut do not want to kick her ass and are perfectly happy with merely publicizing her comments on a globally-read blog. :-)

6. Randy Byers. Randy already got in trouble with me because he had a friend's horse in for training and did exactly what she told him NOT to ... rode her already-high headed, light-in-the-front-end horse it in a twisted wire bit with a running martingale. She discovered this during a surprise visit (as with the Cleve story, see, it pays to occasionally show up unannounced!) Horse was so f'ed up my friend had to pay through the nose for a real trainer to fix it after Randy added to the horse's issues in just a few short weeks. Now, someone has sent me this ad where he is riding a SIXTEEN MONTH OLD Haflinger. Wonder if that's the same twisted wire tongue shredder bit he was riding my friend's horse in? Randy needs to STFU and find a job more suited to his talents and snarly, arrogant attitude...I'm thinking repo man.

7. CBER, as usual. This is actually pretty funny. This is from their message board rules, proving that they need to spend less time scamming people and more time going back to repeat those years of high school they apparently missed.

"You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of ANY law. This is not only humorous, but legal actions can be taken against you."

Unintentionally accurate! Oh, $am, STFU...we all know you're a scammer. If you think you can prove otherwise, you should take some "legal actions" against me. I fantasize about the discovery process!

8. Shirley Roth. Are you all sitting down? Here's a quote from an interview with her. "Over 11 years I’ve had four horses die. That’s it. And the public knows about every one of them. That’s the thing about it. Most trainers have four a month." Folks, as I often say, I do not make this shit up. You must be smokin' crack if you (a) think that any trainer loses 4 a month without actually shooting them or (b) send a horse to this wack job. STFU, Shirley. I've been in horses for thirty two years and so far have had two die that weren't a planned euthanasia due to an irreparable health condition. My stats are similar to most horsepeople I know. Not everybody leaves a trail of carcasses behind them and if you do, something is wrong!

9. LeRoy Baker. The infamous kill buyer and owner of shithole Sugarcreek Auction got his worthless ass fined $162,800 for violations of USDA animal safety regulations. Awww, poor Leroy, is that gonna hurt? He of course is protesting that he's done nothing wrong. STFU. STFU. STFU. If there was any justice, lightning would have struck you when you said that!

10. The biggest STFU is coming tomorrow. And she's a repeat guys are NOT going to believe this!

P.S. Unrelated, but WHAT the hell is this?