Thursday, September 11, 2008

Too bad lasik doesn't fix barn blindness!

Awww, look at this sweet looking 4-H gelding. Now if only someone would feed him and deworm him...and maybe get a better farrier, his two fronts look totally different.

Oh wait, he's not a gelding. He is instead described as an "outstanding AQHA dun stallion." Huh? Yup. Owned by Hopalong Assidy, pictured below in the saddle.

Look, I'm not saying everybody's gotta have a Chavez, but that saddle is older than I am. I can't remember the last time I saw buckstitching. The 4-H kids know better than to put something like that on their horse!

Also, try adjusting your breastcollar so it doesn't look like your horse is gonna catch a knee in it. A hole punch is a wonderful thing. You can get 'em at Fleet Farm for less than the cost of a case of beer!

Now let's talk about poor little colt there. OK, buddy, it's a Quarter Horse. One of the major conformational features of the Quarter Horse is the hip. Your horse doesn't have one. To put it in terms you can understand, your baby ain't got no back. He's got an upright shoulder, too, he toes out on all fours, and he's got all the muscle development of a starved Ethiopian child. Proper nutrition would fix some of this, but he's never going to be stallion material.

Hopalong missed the AQHA conformation lecture entirely, as we can see from his choice of broodmare. This sad little, equally assless filly is a whoppin' 13.3 at three years old. SO LET'S BREED HER! Yup, he did. To the thing above. Looking at these two parents, I'm thinking that baby is going to come out resembling an Italian Greyhound with hooves.

And yes, that's his two year old daughter, bare headed on a three year old filly. Because people like Hopalong always reproduce. That is why there are so many like him!

The filly's barn name is Porche. I think that might be an Italian veranda.

OK, so if you don't want to pay $4500 for pony mare and her unborn assless wonder (buddy, should I just start posting pics of what you CAN buy for $4500? I mean, I can buy an AQHA quality show prospect for $4500. Seriously.) you can send your own horse for Hopalong to train! C'mon, doesn't the following paragraph just make you want to sign right up?

"I Train all types of ranch style ridding including Western Pleasure and Trail. I am Currently filling stalls for Training and Boarding. I have trained Breeds including: Fresian Crosses, Quarter Horses, Fjords, Paints, Morgans, Arabians, and more... I hyave trained horses in Wisconsin and Idaho and worked with different trainers from Wisconsin, Idaho, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, and South Dakota. I also give Riding lessons to kids and Adults of all ages. I charge $575 for a month of training, that includes indoor board for training and $25 for a one hour Riding lesson."

If only I could figure out how to start ridding the world of breeders like this, I'd be a lot happier!

P.S. Hopalong, when you show up here, this was sent in by someone who has to drive by your shitheap facility and see your skinny horses every damn day and they are really sick of that. So, memo to asshats everywhere, if your horses can be seen from the road, you might want to try feeding/deworming them.