Every once in a while, you come across a blog that makes you shake your head in wonder and think "you probably shouldn't have shared all that on the Internet." An alert reader sent me one in which a BYB details her backyard breederifficness in all of its glory...and it is a doozy!
Here's her stallion, who she is very very proud of. Now, what did your eye jump to first? If it wasn't the nontraditional, ha ha, attire of the "trainer," I'm guessing it was the horse's godawful crooked front end. Does he neigh or quack? Yes, he's a cute horse. He'd make a darling gelding. But of course, he isn't one. He's instead popping out so many babies that they have their own blog.(Again, I will stop making fun of the NFQHA when it stops attracting so many backyard, color obsessed breeders like this one.)
Allow me to share her own story of Mr. I Need To Be Gelded's 2 year old year:
"As a two year old, [horse name] developed quickly, learned he was an intact stud and got all hormonal on me. Oyyyyy, Veyyyyy! He was a Mess! Although he would listen intently, he would still do things just to irritate me it seemed. Like break out and go visiting the neighborhood. And break down the fence so he could visit the mares here. He was really making things difficult and every morning, he was not where I put him at night. He learned quickly that he could take down the gate that separated him and the mares, or he'd just plow through the fence like it was a string. So the bugger got all the mares pregnant here, even one we had actually hoped he would get pregnant. [horse name]. My husbands mare that had a hard time catching and keeping. Seems she'd catch, then abort by the 5th month. So we were really surprised to learn that she was in foal at her 9th month in April of this year. "
Oh, where do I even BEGIN?
* Yes, the horse was breaking down the fence JUST TO ANNOY YOU. He must be related to that horse in Texas who gets hurt in the fence because he wants drugs! You are a moron. He was breaking down the fence because your fence sucks and he was full of hormones because you are too stupid to realize he's not breeding quality and geld him.
* So he got everything on the property pregnant? Hell, he probably got some of the neighbors' mares too. Glad you're not MY neighbor. (Isn't it amazing how fertile low quality stallions and high school boys are? It's like a cruel joke of nature.)
* You were SURPRISED to learn she was in foal at NINE MONTHS? Do you people ever call a vet? Ever? Do you think that might be a good idea when you know a stallion had been running loose? Ever hear of pregnancy checking? Ever heard of ultrasounds? I'll wait for the sequel blog, "Our Little Memorial Page for Gracie's Twin Angels." Of course you are so dumb it will probably be on Marestare for all to see, like that other dipshit this year. (Edited to add: Apparently the mare either was NOT pregnant or lost the foal by the time a vet finally did see her. Wisely, the vet told them not to try breeding her anymore. I guess that'll hold as long as the fence does!)
* Here's another brilliant thought. Did you KNOW that when mares get accidentally bred, you can call out the vet and get them a horsey abortion? It's true, you can! For those of you who think there's something morally wrong with that, most of you EAT baby animals, so don't start telling me it's not OK to terminate a mare's pregnancy a few days in.
Of course, the blog goes on to cheerfully report that the first foal was out of a grade mare. Who here is surprised? She goes on to say she wishes she had more mares JUST LIKE that one because everybody liked that baby! Well, hey, I'm sure more JUST LIKE that one are at the local auction...probably going to be selling for $50 by Christmas.
Also unsurprisingly, Breeder of the Year also thinks she is Trainer of the Year. Of course she has her young stock doing silly NH type stuff, but with the added element of danger to make it more exciting. And I quote:
"Now in this picture, I had set up some boards to similate a "bridge" of sorts. They are not nailed down, which would have been the best way to go, but it is freakin HOT out there and I was being extra lazy...At first she was tenative to put her foot on there, she'd put one up, then take it down, then the other, and so on. Each time I praised her heavily. I could see she was up to the challange and really wanted to please me, so she actually walked accross these loose boards about 5 times total. Sorry the picture isn't centered, I was tripping on one of the dang boards. LOL "Oh yeah. LOL. That's just freaking hilarious.
Sadly, she is not alone. This is her friend's cremello stallion, which OF COURSE was left turned out with every single thing they owned (What, a young stallion will breed when you turn him out with mares? No shit! Who knew?) and now has impregnated the fugly Morgan-Percheron cross at the right, which they want to sell anyway because she is aggressive and beats the shit out of other horses (as detailed on the blog).
OK, here's a good game. Can we predict what the baby is going to look like? Well, he is cremello - so that means we are going to get a buckskin, right? He's got a straight shoulder coming from both parents. The mare has a better neck and neck attachment, but both have a low set neck so that'll be on track for sure. Baby might get daddy's "nest," I sure wouldn't be surprised. I'll predict the baby follows the parents with a short croup, goose rump and high tail set. The head is a crap shoot - he could get mom's hammerhead or dad's foundation QH head with the cute ears. Then there's the disposition question. If it's a filly, bet you anything it has the same alpha hell-beast attitude as Momma. I've seen that many times!
Guess we will have to keep reading the blog to find out the answer...of course they'll probably both make their blogs friends-only after discovering that, OMG! - Anybody on ther Internets can read what we write! Not just our friends! OMG! OMG!
